Oh man... It seemed I've got possessed in the morning. While sitting in the lecture theare, my mind was blank, the weird thing is, I'm listening to the lecture when I'm not trying to listen. It seems that my thoughts were being controlled, it's like I'm looking through someone's mind. The feeling was really scary, I don't really know how to describe it. Is it because due to too much anime? As usual, I didn't slept well yesterday, when I woke up, my body aches. Oh ya after lecture, I was like half-recovered. But it seems that I was sleep-doing(sleep-eating, sleep-walking etc). I wasn't hungry at all when it was lunch time, I just grabbed a waffle and that was my lunch.
After that, we went to the library, my mind was not focused yet(rather it was not focused for the whole day). I started taking out my organic chemistry notes and plug my ear piece into my ears, as usual I know I'm outcasting myself to everyone, but thats me. Actually I'm really outcasted whether or not I'm listening to music or not. I used it as a form of accompanying me. Music's my friend I guess. People sometimes wonder why I listen to japanese song when I don't understand it. Well, because those songs I listen were those which I had a "feel" for them in those animes, hence those song melody has meaning in it, and thats why i listen to it.(Don't really know how to explain it).
The current anime I'm watching is Da Capo, a romance genre anime. I feel it's quite good as it was the first romance anime that really attracted me to carry on watching. Romance genre anime was perceived by me as boring and dull, but this anime was different. I could really feel the relationship between the characters. It really made me very envious, I too want to experience something like that, I want to experience the feeling of loving someone and not just a normal crush. I wonder is it possible? It doesn't matter if the other party doesn't want me, but I just want to love someone. Lol, weird me, it seems like I'm taking a knife to stab myself, intentionally hurting myself, well I can't help it. To be frank, I'm phobic of relationships already, just once, I'm scared already. Of course I don't blame my ex, rather I blame myself for being unable to meet her expectations. This is probably what I'm afraid of. I even have phobia of just talking to some girl on the first meeting(eg. oritentation), when I even see guys who were bold to ask for numbers on the first meet and got along. Why am I so expectional? I've no idea... I only been able to talk to girls who are probably in my class whom I seen many times and socialise alot, other than that, no way... =X.
Anyway, tomorrow i got 2 tests. I'm not planning to study my BFA though I know I would do real bad. I'm just going to study my OC2 and watch my anime=). Actually when I enter my house, everything I did in school were thrown away. It seems that I entered a different dimension hehe.. Ok I think I shall stop here for now, see ya next time~
