Bleh... I went to school for crystal growing today, and thought that there would be CO practice later on. Upon smsing my friend, he said that today's practice was cancelled. I was both happy actually. This means that I can go home early and do my stuff bwhahah...

I just watched finish an anime called "Ef: A Tale of Memories."

It was an heartfelt anime. Although there were some parts of the anime which I didn't really like haha... I've learnt some Jap cultures and languages in this anime too.

(願い-negai which means wish, 事実-jijitsu which means truth, 空- which means sky can't remember all), and something which I don't really want to forget is that, it's a tradition to write 人 on one's hand and eat it to clam a nervous person. Well... it's something new that I had never heard before in classes or other anime haha...

There was this girl named Chihiro whom have a brain defect and can only remember things for 13 時間. She has to keep a diary to to remind her "tomorrow self" about what is her today. Which I think was quite sad. Hey come to think of it, I probably have a memory detect too haha!! I always forget things easily, but of course not as horrible as 13 時間. Probably mine is a year, before I forgot how things feel like and experiences I had faced before. Well, I've just realize this only haha.. I wonder do everyone has this problem too? Anyway I also have trouble remembering stories of anime. Though I've watched 30+ anime series, I cannot remember every single anime's story and their characters name. Probably I can't remember every single anime's character names, which is kind of disheartening. Oh well.

Miyako Miyamura, another character which I kind of like. She has that kind of personality that she forces herself to be happy when she actually had a sad background. This makes her closed to the outside world. I feel I'm kind of in the same situation, with no sad background but a disappointing life. Anyway, she has that kind of cheerful character which I kind of like, but she cannot beat my fav character from Da capo, NEMU=X...

Well, this are the 2 characters which caught my attention from the anime, other than that, the other characters are mostly side-characters. Hehe... Now I don't really know what to do... Oh ya this is another thing I want to record it now.

Right now, I feel like quitting my DRP as I think I cannot work well, and at the same time, I want to rest for the holidays, I don't really know if I should do that as the supervisor was one of my teachers whom teaches me. SIGH... What should I do... Hope someone can tell me. =/.. Well.. I think I'll stop here for today.

さよなら blog=p..

Wah... it's really a long long long time when I ever made blog entry... Well one reason is because I decided not to share my happiness, thoughts, sadness, or any other things with any other one. I've no idea why when I decided to do this haha... Just happened that today, I wanted to type an entry before going to CO.

Recently, I have thought about myself thoroughly, that what ever I do, it feels that it has to be accountable to someone. Take for example, yesterday, when I was playing a game of DotA with one of my friends which I had never played DotA before. A thought strike me was, "I've to play well so as not to disapoint my friend". It really gives me some stress. Why do I have to be accountable to him? I should do what I can and not be accountable to anyone. But seems that this mindset cannot be easily changed.

Another thing is that, people who don't know me may always feel that i'm boasting about things which I don't intented(I'm not sure if people thinks this about me), those boasting were not serious. As in it's my way of joking, a way of communication as a friend, which probably many people do not like. Well actually this is not me, I just want someone to listen to my thoughts that is why I did that. In my mind, there's a psychological barrier that I tried very hard to destory. The barrier causes me to think that no matter what I do, or what I know, I'm always inferior to anyone. Haha... Weird huh...

With all these, sometimes I feel that being alone feels more carefree where I've no one to be accounted for and no one there to make me feel inferior. This is probably the reason why I'm shutting myself off my friends in school. In actual, no one really knows my character (probably my family only, and some friends may know a little). The "me" at home is the real me, which is a total opposite of the "me" when I'm outside. I have no idea why I change when I go out. Sometimes, there's a feeling that when I'm outside, eyes are staring at me, which feel like they are laughing at me =/... Oh well...

Just to end this post, I'll update the anime list here:

Nanatsuiro Drops
Mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha
Mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha A's
Mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha Strikers
Shakugan no Shana
Elemental Gelade
Night Wizard The Animation
Chrono Crusade
Ragnarok The Animation
Inuyasha
Fate/stay night
Kami-chama Karin
Pita Ten
Kamisama Kazuko
Da Capo
Da Capo S2
Da Capo II
shakugan no shana second
Haruhi Suzumiya
rental Magica
Kaze no stigma
Maburaho
karin
Prism Ark
vampire knight
Shingetsutan Tsukihime
Shounen Onmyouji
Druaga no To The Aegis of Uruk
Da Capo II Second Season
La Corda d'Oro
Otogi Jushi Akazukin TV

がっこえいきます、じゃまたこんど。