Wah... it's really a long long long time when I ever made blog entry... Well one reason is because I decided not to share my happiness, thoughts, sadness, or any other things with any other one. I've no idea why when I decided to do this haha... Just happened that today, I wanted to type an entry before going to CO.

Recently, I have thought about myself thoroughly, that what ever I do, it feels that it has to be accountable to someone. Take for example, yesterday, when I was playing a game of DotA with one of my friends which I had never played DotA before. A thought strike me was, "I've to play well so as not to disapoint my friend". It really gives me some stress. Why do I have to be accountable to him? I should do what I can and not be accountable to anyone. But seems that this mindset cannot be easily changed.

Another thing is that, people who don't know me may always feel that i'm boasting about things which I don't intented(I'm not sure if people thinks this about me), those boasting were not serious. As in it's my way of joking, a way of communication as a friend, which probably many people do not like. Well actually this is not me, I just want someone to listen to my thoughts that is why I did that. In my mind, there's a psychological barrier that I tried very hard to destory. The barrier causes me to think that no matter what I do, or what I know, I'm always inferior to anyone. Haha... Weird huh...

With all these, sometimes I feel that being alone feels more carefree where I've no one to be accounted for and no one there to make me feel inferior. This is probably the reason why I'm shutting myself off my friends in school. In actual, no one really knows my character (probably my family only, and some friends may know a little). The "me" at home is the real me, which is a total opposite of the "me" when I'm outside. I have no idea why I change when I go out. Sometimes, there's a feeling that when I'm outside, eyes are staring at me, which feel like they are laughing at me =/... Oh well...

Just to end this post, I'll update the anime list here:

Nanatsuiro Drops
Mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha
Mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha A's
Mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha Strikers
Shakugan no Shana
Elemental Gelade
Night Wizard The Animation
Chrono Crusade
Ragnarok The Animation
Inuyasha
Fate/stay night
Kami-chama Karin
Pita Ten
Kamisama Kazuko
Da Capo
Da Capo S2
Da Capo II
shakugan no shana second
Haruhi Suzumiya
rental Magica
Kaze no stigma
Maburaho
karin
Prism Ark
vampire knight
Shingetsutan Tsukihime
Shounen Onmyouji
Druaga no To The Aegis of Uruk
Da Capo II Second Season
La Corda d'Oro
Otogi Jushi Akazukin TV

がっこえいきます、じゃまたこんど。